why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You're like the curious george of whores
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
