forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
