Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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