Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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