Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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