Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize