I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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