Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
