girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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