I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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