Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
