I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
