Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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