Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize