i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just found puke in my bra..
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
