ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
