just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
