2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
