i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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