every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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