You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
