U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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