So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
