I'm so fucking centered right now
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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