my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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