If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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