Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
