No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
