I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
