We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
