How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
