she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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