Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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