Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
