oh god the rape fog is back!
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
