I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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