I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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