when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
