Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
