it's like her boobs came off with her bra
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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