I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He passed out mid-signature
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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