she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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