so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
