It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
