when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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