you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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