JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
