I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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