You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
