Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
