i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
