is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
