there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
