I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
