I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
