you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
