after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i drank out of a bidet.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
