The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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