if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
