Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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