All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
