We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
