Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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