So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
