I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
