So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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