What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
