Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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