You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
