I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
