At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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