did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
