I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
