it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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