exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
