I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
