Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
