I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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