that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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