he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
