Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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