dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
