I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
