That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
