I want to walk on stilts...naked
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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