theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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