Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
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