proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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