My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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